This just in: J.K. Rowling will be the commencement speaker for Harvard’s graduation on June 5. Prepare to shut down, our dear fair city, Cambridge. But really… um… I’m nursing a slight resentment here, on account of the fact that in 1999 we got Alan Greenspan, then-Chairman of the Federal Reserve. No offense to the importance of your job, Mr. Greenspan, especially not these days, but I really can’t remember what you said (she says, stifling the yawn that springs forth unbidden at the hazy memory of a speech).

J.K. Rowling! Wow. I foresee in my crystal ball the hawking of many a graduation ticket. Isn’t it only 2 tickets per graduate? I’m scanning my mental rolodex as we speak for any class of 2008 siblingless, friendless, orphans I might know. If you fit the bill, please call me post haste. I WILL be your friend. Or your sister. Or mother.

J.K. Rowling. Wow. Did I already say that? Now there’s a woman to vote for in a heartbeat without a smidgen of vacillation. As for speaking at graduation, I might even pick her over Jesus. Ooops. Am I going to hell? Sorry Jesus, I mean no offense, really. Actually, from everything printed in red in my Bible, you would certainly not be one to take offense. And, upon reflection, I WOULD pick you to speak for graduation….

…too. Sorry, but only if it could be too. Jesus and J.K. Yeah, that’d be good. And how ‘bout the Buddha? If we’re adding people, why not. I know he and Jesus are friends if there is such a thing as friendship up there, out there, where-ever there, and why wouldn’t there be? And Rumi. What I wouldn’t give to hear him, and watch him whirl in the ecstatic dervish thing he is said to have done. Oh and maybe T.S. Eliot too. And Rilke. And Pablo Neruda. Heavily weighted toward poets, I’m seeing, and compassionate, awakened beings, or at least creative beings doing their damdest to awaken and live compassionately. Hmmm… I’m still not feeling it for Greenspan… sorry Alan. You may very well be a lovely man. And I have no doubt bright as could be. Hmmm… Coffee? I’d be happy to meet you for a latte…

How about you? Who’d you pick to speak if you were?

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